easiest. diet. ever.

So one of the best things about the new place is the fridge. I know, I know. If you believe everything you see on HGTV, the refrigerator should ALWAYS be one of the best things about a home. But in all honesty, I've never been one of those people who cares overly much about lines and makes and models, or however appliances are classified. As with everything, it's what's inside that counts, you know what I'm saying?

Obviously, in matters of kitchen appartus, I have been remiss. Because people? The Samsung in our kitchen? It is ah-mazing. NOT ONLY does it keep our food cool/frozen, make ice, and generally behave as a refrigerator is expected to, but also? It slims, and tones, and lengthens. I kid you not, in two weeks' time, I have:

1. grown at least three inches;
2. lost about 10 pounds; and
3. toned and strengthened flabby bits that have, in spite of my best "defy gravity" peps talks, lunges, and curls, dimpled and become all morose and pouty looking, like they're plagued with 40-year-old angst or something. Whatever, it's not attractive.

All without breaking a sweat (because, believe it or not, all those trips to the refrigerator, the opening and closing of the door, the reaching and bending for leftover pizza on the top shelf, the ice cream in the lower compartment fall disappointingly short in the "aerobic" category — who knew?).

Check it:


I have boyish hips! Tapered calves! And a waistline that would make Barbie a bulimic. I suppose there is a likely explanation for this. Something having to do with the convex shape of the door creating an optical illusion, blah blah blah WHATEVER. Fact is? It's working for me.

You know how, in all those beauty magazines, they tell you to post a picture of a genetically superior, bikini-clad model on the door of your fridge as motivation so that you think twice before reaching for that second helping of stroganoff? Yeah, that won't be happening in the new place. Because I'm in no hurry to cover up what this feat of engineering has accomplished.

Well played, Samsung.

And now, if you'll excuse me, there's a piece of apple pie that needs liberating from the fridge. And by the look of things? I can totally handle the extra calories.